


Mr. Big and Strangely Hunky

by Missy



Category: Emperor's New Groove (2000)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Post-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-07
Updated: 2011-08-07
Packaged: 2017-10-22 08:03:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/235914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kronk's got a great solution for Kuzco's fiancee problem...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mr. Big and Strangely Hunky

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Porn Battle XII. Prompt: The Emperor's New Groove, Kuzko/Kronk, bride, dumb, hunk. Thank you to Amber for beta!

Guh. So how did I get into this mess? Let’s do a little backtrack-aroonie….no, not that far. Think back to two years ago after I decided not to destroy Pacha’s tuneless hilltop and had my own beach house all to myself. Aww yeah, life was sweet. Until that whole ‘you’re not married and you’ve gotta be married to be Emperor, Kuzco,’ thing reared it’s ugly, Yzma-shaped head again.

Everyone in the kingdom picked through the pile of chicks that came from far and wide to be my bride. It wasn’t pretty. Nails were broken and tears were shed...but enough about Pacha. This story’s about ME.

So, we were all getting desperate, and that’s when Kronk came out with this idea. “Heyy, they don’t say it has to be a lady! Why don’t you marry me!”

I made him wear rouge anyway, juuust in case some muckety muck asked some questions.

So now I’m free and happy. I’ve got my palace, and I’ve technically got my bride.

Except I’m sitting here in the throne room with Mr. Clueless Beefcake, and he’s flexing his pecs and doing his ‘voice exercises.’ Hmph! I’ve been sitting…oh look, Mr. Dumb and Weirdly Hunky’s FINALLY decided to talk to me.

“Soooo….are we gonna go to bed or what?” he asked me.

“Uhhhh…” I stared at him. “No offense, Kronky, but I don’t swing that way.”

He grinned. “IIiiiii bet I could change your mind about that.”

“Uh…I don’t think I want…” His hand went up my tunic. “HEY NO TOUCHY…WAIT….yes…yes touchy…”

He smirked and went down on his knees.

Allllllllll the way down.

Y’know, I’m kinda glad I hired Yzma now.


End file.
